What is it about going to my parents house that just throws me. Before I leave I feel like a nervous mess. And when I come home I feel like I need something to eat to deal with it. Always makes me eat on Friday nights, coming home from there. I wish it didn't but I can't change it. I was thinking about it tonight and I know a few reasons. My dad, he can get mad very quickly. He was fussing about my Ford truck tonight being a piece of junk because he couldn't get the hood up for nothing on it to check the oil for me. Stress, the truck been a good one so far and we've had it for 3 yrs. Then something else, can't remember exactly. Then there's the fact that the kids could say or do the wrong at any time. There's certain things they do that gets the lectures from my mom, I love her, but oh my gosh. Or they tell something on me that's going to bring up their judging ways. Then there's the way my parents have no real love for each other, well certainly on my dad's part. He's never told my mom he loved her, not even once the whole 38 years of marriage. And she mentions things like that a lot, when she hears from the kids that mama and daddy were kissing or whatever. It's just a big stressful thing. And tonight I forgot to take my stress tabs before going, they help a little.

So that led to me coming home to eat. It wasn't real bad, but I had a little cheese, 10 wheat thins, a peach and a yogurt. I still feel stressed out though. It's the junk food that really relieves the stress. Not really but for a minute or two I feel better before I feel horrible for eating like that. Last week when I got home from there I had a bowl of popcorn and a sandwich. Trying to make lighter choices at least and maybe I can faze this trouble out completely one day. I even avoided dessert over there, they had brownies and cookies and ice cream for the kids. I didn't touch a single bite of it, but god I wanted to so bad. I wanted so much to feel that feeling that a brownie would have given me. Instead I chewed gum. I broke these bad habits before and I'm sure I can do it again. I allowed those habits to come back before because of hurt and stress in my life. This time I will try harder to stick with it no matter what comes my way.